Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
