"it" just moved
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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