No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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