yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
