Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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