He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
