You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
