He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
