and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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