You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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