i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
