yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
