R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
