why didn't you poke me back
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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