found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
