Can i not drive my cunt home
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I love you. Go after that dick
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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