I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
