Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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