That's intense
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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