She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
