Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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