booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
