I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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