I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
