She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
