mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I would ride that face into the sunset
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
