Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
