Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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