Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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