I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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