I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
