Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
