Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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