I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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