Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
