I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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