Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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