I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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