How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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