Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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