Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
