Whod you bang
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
