He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
