i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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