and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
