The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
