I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
