I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
why is half of my head shaved?
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