Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
