ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wear drunk well.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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