She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
