I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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