at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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