hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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