she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
