I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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