her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
