boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize