i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
