Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
