Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
