Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
