do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
