Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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