he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize