I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
