I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
