Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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