I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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