brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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