You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
