If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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