**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
