Already got asked if we're dating
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
